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My Journey To God through Healing My Subconscious

Updated: Jan 29, 2023

I was born in a remote place of China, and destiny took me to Canada at age 12, having to lose access to all of my families, friends, culture, and communities, I had suffered severe depression because of the hardship of adapting a new language, to a new environment, a new school, and seeing new people. During the time of poverty in the earlier years, with a single mother, we had to rely on minimum income and lived very modestly. My mental and emotional struggles didn't take over me, I did well in school, being a daughter and granddaughter of formal teachers and professors in colleges. My experiences at those years of loneliness, and separation caused me to feel severe sense of lack of love, support, and my self esteem was at the bottom pit level. Because of my conditions and my mother's lack of resources to help me, I had deep depression and hopeless feelings and lost all interest and hope even in my teenage years. I suffered trauma of separation caused by immigration forcefully at a young age, and I suffered many traumatic episodes of relationship struggles, because what I lacked I sought. I sought love, acceptance, and approval from boys at my age or older whom sought after me for romantic interests. But very quickly I find out how that is not the true love I needed, and was heart broken every time when things didn't work. I was like an abandoned, helpless girl.

I had always thrived in the arts, music, writing, and psychology classes during school. I had always wanted to become a psychologist to help people since I was very little, and a graphic designer to use my artistic talents and skills for making the world beautiful.

So I took the major in Bachelor of Design at the best Art and Design University in the city.

That was an exciting time to study concepts, writing, arts, sculpture, philosophy, the internet, computer programs, etc.

After going through my college years, and having dated 5,6 boys since age 14, I had really had lost my hope to love and to happiness. Then I found a very kind man whom took me into his home and loved and cared for me.

At age 24, I had lived with my boyfriend at the time for 5 years, and worked in the professional field of Design for 5 years also.

One day, I had trouble sleeping, and in the deepest sense of despair in my heart, although everything was going great in my life, I cried out for Him. The Person I had never knew in my life. The One whom I so desperately needed in my Soul. It's the first time that I prayed in my life, "If there is a God, or Angels, please bring me Home!" And I balled out in tears as if all my wounds in my heart and soul are now being poured out towards a great Priest or the Supreme Counsellor.

And after that, the rest is history. God came into my Life so deeply, and took over my journey. My Life became His totally. He stepped in as the Director of the Universal Play of Love and Grace.

He heard my prayer, and started working on me. From day one.

The very next day, I encountered miraculous things that changed my life.

I had met my spiritual teacher, a highly attained Saint, a Guru, who is a perfect embodiment of God in this life. I found my Lotus Feet, and at His Grace, I surrendered the ego more and more, and received God into me and my life more and more. Miracles happened in my life daily, illnesses would disappear suddenly. Opportunities came to that gave me increase in every way of my life in ways I never dreamt possible. Then I slowly slowly began to awaken, to the truth of life, by the teachings of great saints in our history, in all true spiritual traditions and lineages, and practiced faithfully what I had learnt through scriptures, prayers, teachers and God's workings in my life.

Time passed on and I was no longer that broken, fragile, traumatized girl, who didn't believe in her self, or have trouble raising her self esteem.

God taught me many lessons, so many that I could not count. But each time I grew, each time I was broken down, each time I tried and overcome, God was with me. My heart was not fully in faith at times, because my family, my culture, and friends most of them don't believe in God. I had never gone to church when I was young, never studied with Buddhist monks, never went to Hindu temple. But that didn't stop me from coming into my experience with God and know Him. When the trial is hard and my faith is challenged, when I had trusted too much in my ego self, and forgot or denied God's sovereignty over me or over all, I had always ended up in a spiritual black hold where there was no hope, no way out, of the rampant smart traps of the ego conceptualizations.

Each time it was my calling out for help to God that I had been brought out of that darkness of my soul. Each time it was His gentle reminders in every part of my life that had gotten me to remember that He is still on the throne, and He is still the King of Kings, the Father for His children.

In the innumerous trials and errors I had gone through over the years, my spirituality became more and more stable, more and more constant. All the way until the day when I first experienced the feelings of Liberation in my Soul, where my individual consciousness and mind have dissolved and all that was left was Realization that There is Only God in All.

That was a summer in Washington State, United States, where God had brought me to for a high paying design job at the biggest technology industries. I had being living in a heavenly state for a while looking over the beautiful lake Washington changing its colors and atmospheres day and night. Until God sent me to another home in Sammamish, where I had the opportunity to live for one year in a remote home situated in the Evergreen trees and a beautifully curated garden alone.

During my time in that isolation, by God's grace, totally working from home, I started to pick up my meditation practices and other spiritual practices daily, very long hours. Each time I'd sit in meditation for 1.5 hours, many times 3 hours and more, I would do it often twice a day, one time in the afternoon, and sometimes I'd be awake at 4am and doing the meditation practices.

My consciousness was evolving very quickly, due to the specifically focused practice condition that God has placed me in. Many of the days I had experienced tremendous spiritual joy in the Presence of the Lord, not needing any outside stimulations, but remaining in His Pure Light, and Remembering my True Identity in Him.

One day my body started to get into a trance-like spin and energy dances through me, I danced, and screamed His Glory, and fell to the floor totally and completely enveloped in His Divine Ecstasy.

Some days I'd be writing poetry and creating songs with my piano and sing His Glory.

The day I fully remembered my True Self was one of the latter days I remained in that house of Pure Joy. It was after another consecrated meditation, almost all of a sudden, I had this clear knowledge that I AM THAT I AM is the Lord in Everything. My ego mind identity was peeled away completely, and I opened my eyes on the balcony, looking over this beautiful piece of nature that God had made to be, and my focus fixated on a piece of leaf that leaned towards me. As I look at this leaf, I was realized, and that there is no mind, there is no me, there only IS, only God. All troubles of the ego-mind had fallen off of Me. My body was purely light. My heart was One with Him. My Song was His Glory. I Knew I was the Atman. The Soul. The Pure Consciousness - I am His Child.

After these days of such Divine revelations I then was moved to Mt. Shasta where there is multi-dimensional energy portals on the mountain for continued ascension process. Mt. Shasta had assisted me with spiritual learnings about myself rather quickly, the magic in the mountain's aura brings up the suppressed or forgotten underlying cause of emotional pains almost to a degree of awareness that I could not turn away. The mind tends to function to avoid pain, and that's why even though with years and years of self-healing, meditations, and therapies, I could not totally clean up my past karma, or stored negative beliefs and energies. But Mt. Shasta brought up some things that I must look at and understand and release in order to ascend higher in consciousness and be more free.

Fortunately I was shown to participate in advanced energy meditation workshops in Mt. Shasta called the Stargate, which is a Sacred geometry structure that is revealed by consciousness in Higher Planes of existence to assist humanity with rapid awakening, and clearing of the old negative programmings. Through the 3 workshops I had attended, and 1 year of listening to online meditations at home by myself, I had been assisted by the high frequencies to reform my subconscious mind, and dissolving any residual ego limitations.

The following years after I experienced states of ecstasy constantly, and the more I had increased my devotion to the Lord God I had more ego-death. The ego-death process was extremely painful at times emotionally because the ego's programming was designed to facilitate self-preservation, it's based on fear, it lives either in the past or the future. But the soul's decision to overcome the ego for union with God has propelled my life in the direction the way it did. Lessons were shown to me quickly one after another, for opportunities of reflection and repentance. Repentance of the ego is very important because the ego is largely functioning in competition and fear, where it puts oneself at a higher importance than others, hence why its perceptions always come from a place of competition, threat, and one-ups. Although the ego has its place in our lives, such as keeping our body alive by craving and getting food, warmth, sexual satisfaction, etc., it would do anything to preserve the bodily satisfaction and needs for safety. But if we rely on the ego too much, it starts to take over our entire consciousness and not allowing our Higher Self, which is our Soul, the Inseprate Part of the Cosmos, your Inner Guide and Spiritual Teacher. It always guide us with peace, harmony, and compassion. Whereas the ego guides us through competition, strife, conflict, dynamic of victim versus perpetuator, separation and fear.

When the ego is dominating our consciousness, we can feel we are safe in its efforts of preservation, but we lose our connection with our Inner Guide, the part of ourselves that is part of God, a part of the Whole, and therefor we are also blocking Grace of God that pours out to all His Creation. We also don't trust anyone, we can feel extremely isolated, and to the point of depression. Living too much by our ego is a sure death of our true joy.

We must use the ego to make right judgements, but always question the ego, why do you want me to think this way? why do you want me to do this? Because the ego is essentially neither good or bad, and its main purpose is to defend you, it will tell you why it's doing what it does, or is suggesting to you to do or think in a certain way, and once that understanding is clear, you can actually program or instruct your ego to think differently for your higher good. This is what we also achieve in hypnosis, when identifying what is the root cause for your subconscious to create an illness, or a limitation in your life, we can strategically reprogram it to release limiting beliefs, and even clear illnesses.


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